SERIAL! VALENTINE DAY SPECIAL TO THE CORPSE!
WE CONTINUE SERIAL PUBLICATION OF HARIETTE SUROVELL’S MEMOIRS! WHAT A LIFE!
CHAPTER TWO: SLEEP WITH YOUR GRANDMOTHER
Sweet sixteen and I hadn’t even had my first multiple orgasm, yet I found myself a nationally-acclaimed “sexpert”, with my opinions on teenage sexual habits and needs for sex education and contraception being sought out by Dr. Mary Steichen Calderone and John D. Rockefeller III.
I didn’t even know who Edward Steichen was, or that Dr. Mary was his daughter, yet I guest-lectured with her at a SIECUS (Sex Information and Education Council U.S.) convention. It was held in the summer, and we took our meals together. Sitting outside at a picnic table, we learned that the entrée was fish.
“I never eat seafood in the summer!” the elegant, patrician, silver-haired world-renowned doctor/former acclaimed stage actress/National Women’s Hall of Fame member exclaimed gaily. “It is simply swarming with staphylococcus!”
I love that phrase--it should become part of the lexicon. Unlike my ex-husband, Robert, perpetually on the look-out for the meaning of life, I never experience existential dilemmas. The way I see it, things are either simply swarming with staphylococcus, or they’re not.