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tearing the rag off the bush again
"Cosmic Burial" from Chaosmos PDF E-mail



Cosmic Burial

1.

One hour later, gravity forsakes me.

You were refusing the earththe sweet maternal clay
the moist phosphorescent cavethe dark, hidden burrow
you rejectedthe ancient atavistic thirstto descend
slip back into fetus uterus pointback
into water fire metals.

Torn from the shellplunging nakedinto spaceinto the void
into the unbreathable ethersearing the nostrils the flesh
so as to evaporateto break freeto contain through
frantic dilationlike a rare gasits hard absolute,
rock-hard and inexpugnable.

Like an archaic urnfloating at randomweightlessly
scattering its extinguished ashesamong identical urns
floatingamong other cosmic dreamscasting in their wake
swarms of chaotic imagesupon the stellar dust

so as no longer to have anywhere to fall toto dwell into return from
but to disappearthrough fissionthrough vaporization
a space voyageamong comets and nebulae
among big-bangsand solar spectrayou sought
a masculine grave
in dyingso as never to die.



2.

One hour later.

Torn from beside mefrom the slumberous unionfrom
untouched scorching bed clothesyou hurtled
upwardslike a dizzying geyserluminousthrough the darkness
of nightupwardsverticalfar above
tearing the cold of the currents of night
and you were not alonewarm voices surrounded youroaring
as you rose with supersonic speedjoyful of depth
in the spiral of the cosmic whirlpoolhissing like a lightning flash
past the moonher pale mournful faceclearly divided
into shadow and lightupwardsjoyfulcasting
behind youorgans and earthremembrance and fear
higher upwardsthrough the purifying cold of the void
vertiginous jetdizzying roarand when all the other
joyful voiceskept calling you furtherdid you not know fear?


did you wake?did you dream for an instant of untouched
scorching bed clothesof the slumberous union?and whom did you ask
to set you downback herebelow?
whose loving hand?



3.

Frantic ascensionillimitablein a darkness named
lovea blood of imagesa celestial jet of
imagesa spectral lavawhere in artesian wellsin waterfalls
young populations delicateastral dust cloudsnerve cells
historiessupernovaschildhood memoriescosmic dreamsare rising.
Possible worlds sunk into one anotherlike the nacreous
translucent membranes of a sidereal egg
where all atoms energiesvoid desert spacesyearned for
lifelife the dream of the infiniteall matter desirous of
ardornebulae burning for lovewhite and red blood
corpusclescomets and meteors dreaming to copulate
the atemporal craved dissolution into the momentthe void craved
birththe darkness dreamed of deathtransformed into
lightdeath itself kept dreamingdreamingdreaming of the resurrection.
Silhouettes of women and menembracing each other in long luminous chains
embracing the darknessclothing with their very bodies
the cosmic dreamwhere vision and extinctionare one and the same
where out of their lightningcould arise
the dawn of a new form of life.



4.

I, a voice I give youto describe this universe unraveled
into the chasm of your thoughta tongue I give you to taste
its nonbeinghands I give you to mold its breasts and thighs
hearing I give you to hearken to its cries, its desire
body I give you to swallow and digest it, the heart to
love it but the brain to destroy it and to dream
another kind of matter a hypermatter another kind of imagination
the dream to dream itself, a regeneration through dream

If I were to think the universe blind, this universe would spin
its white globes, its blind planets, in vain, if I were to
think the universe a magnolia, this universe would bloom pink and sweet,
a huge inflorescence in a pearled cup, if I were to think the universe
a game of gravity and spheres, a child would play happily
with balls, cubes and prisms throughout the boundlessness of space,
if I were to wish this universe a Beatrice, a vast and beautiful
woman would drive the masculine worlds mad, if I were to
shout out that the universe is no more than a phantasm, a guffaw of pleasure
and terror would slash through my eardrums: the universe is a medusa swimming,
the universe is a golden clock, it’s the dance from under the insteps
of a god, it’s a wave,
a vibration
a thought in a bigger thought in a much bigger thought.

Oh, my every organ is crushed, and the world is a metaphysical organ
in love with its own annihilation,
we tend continuously to transform into light into thought
to fall back into repose--
death, how brightly you shine!--
but something or somebody from outside and below
still feeds us ceaselessly
with young matterwith darknesswith chaos.



5.

At the center of the galaxy I discovered the face of a little girl
a blond Alice with golden curls
laughing raucouslypiercinglymuch too uproariously
tumbling through the voidskipping rope in the silent spaces
I heard her joyous peals of laughterlonglavish
her desperate shrieksunremitting
which went on and on and onwhich couldn’t be stopped
the reverberating gales of pleasure and terror
of a girl continuously turning into a woman,
then a fetus, a girl next, and again a woman,
at once with blood-red flowings and ebbings
at once with vast swaddlings and unfurlings
simultaneously with expulsions and rendings of the tissue
of the cosmic cocoon.
For this universe is feminine.

And we are a fetus hearing the mother’s weeping
Alice erupting in hilarityguffawinglaughing to tears
she a fetus tooin a much greater mother.



6.

And all of a sudden, I could no longer see you
I could no longer see your mouth, face, knees, hands
but only a crazed dance, patches of light and shadow
in waves as tremendous ascensions turns and falls
transforming into spume and whirlpools
I saw an oscillating choreography of
waves cresting and breaking golden points fluid lines,
curves prisms bright sparkling ellipses
small dark voids, I saw bottomless abysses
staticky with magnetic buzzing, I felt
heavy dizzying forces, strange high voices,
I saw miniature milky ways crossed by soaring colors
galaxies exploding in frantic rainbows,

all these were dancing waving twinkling turning into
you and you were all these,
I was deciphering your brown eyes your pale face your mouth
in that melting gap like a sidereal drawing, like a fata morgana
luminous in the vast darknessand in that ever-moving dust,
desperate, I stopped to cry out after you, I was no longer alone, you
were there above everything and at last you were happy,
you were roaring like three hilarious nebulae, dancing berserk
in nuclei and lightning flashes, in incandescent particles and
greenish translucent spheres, inside which sacred purple lotuses
flowered in pairs of lovers embracing on their petals,
I was among the luminous spheres
but I was also a corpuscle fallen in love expanded vastlyas that hot loving
spaceso as to swallow and contain youto be one with you
together to give birthout of a brilliant sphere
a sidereal lotus flowerwith another couple embracing on its purple petals
imagining yet another bright sphereyet another universe.



7.

We set forthto overtake the sun
in an invisible spaceshipin an ascending jet
we rosea vertical path into the bluethe dark
the void
upwards upwardshigher higher

we saw the earthan eyeball popped from its socket
rolling whistlingan easter egg paintedwith
blue stripesgolden sparksdark shadows
like a naked encephalonsadly receding into space

black blackthe void the void

we saw the moonher huge red facewoman’s
a woman fallen in loveher craters, empty seasher eyes
beseechinga grieved madonna’sshyly retreating
into spacethen very small and pale

the void the voidinfinite infinite

The sun approached, hugecoming close like a prodigious mouth
of flamesthe sun fully upon usthe spaceship incandescent
the sun flowing inside usour jet caught in a sea
and we meltedevaporatedbecame sun

the sun was swallowing a sun inside another sun
a golden burning consumptionand we are sunincandescent darkness
little suns in a bigger sun in a bigger sun
a blinding chasmsun suna blinding chasmsun sun
wholly sunsunaltogether sunsunabsolutely sun

sunsunsunsunsun

Then everything gets extinguished, in the rapidly cooling darkness
I hear arising from myself an old voice lamenting
everything is extinctioneverything deatheverything the void
rolling its ever-lingering echoin its fall through space
in the invisible craftthe descending jetsuddenly turning dark
I hear arising from deep within a childish voicelike a vertical liftoff
everything is lifeeverything resurrection

sunover dead soulsonly death
sunover living soulsonly life

sunincandescent matrixfiery vulva
drink me in, swallow me once more.



8.

Then you alone, I alonein the whole of the universelightning-struck
with waterfalls of cascading roars sighs and smiles
filled with blue fires and auroral eruptions
torn by apocalyptic rainbows and long meteoric rainfalls
then you alone, I alonetraversed by spurting jets of blood and obsessions
thunderclaps of thoughtsexplosionsrivers of fire
you’ll have your space grave.

when the planets turn soft and tremulous
ever-shifting holograms through which you can observeyour trembling hand
and suns steam in transparent strandsgentle rarefied presences
will cool your foreheadthe void will flow molten
elastic aromatic and fierylike the skin of
a pubescent girldarkness will shine brightly
like blindness suddenly seeing the light of your thought
omnidirectional and overwhelming as in the act of love

then you alonein such beatitude discovering
your own astonished body, made wholewith blue and red rivers of
corpusclesplasmalightning bolts of tendons and nerves
your body, wholein the fission and fusion of planets
and cellswithin intra-atomic tidesand the musics of space
your body, wholeutterly otherotherwise utterly the same
but much vastermuch, much brighter

then I alonein that cosmic gravetransfigured
into thoughtinto lightunder the light of the Thought
waiting for youwaitingyou will seeother worlds of thought
embracing youomnidirectional and overwhelming
as in the act of loveor you will see nothing
you’ll be free to say Yesto say Noto be free.



9.

One hour later, gravity finds me again.

I am sitting on the sea wallat a table buried in drifted sand
and munching on wordsdead dried mollusksa universe of
dried wordsdestroyedby their proximity to the void
to its cold absolute
all around a red, sonorous seawords words wordsslowly rising
over the sandover the ankles
there are dead fish in the waterarchaic shellsrusty coins
there are solitary, stray imagesflying colorsthere are liquid
gravesin the black and red waterslicks of oil and blood
scattering the oblique light of the setting suninto distorting mirrors
the water is risingI, I am seated at an empty tablewaiting waiting
for what ?my mouth fills with bloodthe sea rises higher higherbut
what is the I? the huge wave askstumbling purple-red
over the beachesnobody nobodya vast tired voice
replieslike a rustle of leaves a long
sidereal yawnI look all aroundnobody’s hereonly
a black bird burning its feathers in the distance
everythingeverythinga little child whispersplump and white
suddenly appeared in a nacreous shellborne on the waves.



 
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