Mike Topp: Hey, what's the latest on who shot J.R.? |
by Mike Topp |
|
Topp Twitters Corpse!
DALLAS
Hey, what's the latest on who shot J.R.?
BIN LADEN
Osama bin Laden is mean.
WANTED
Anyone know a Christian bowhunter? Need answer ASAP.
QUESTION
Hey, what's the age of consent in NYC? I'm going to need a quick answer for this.
OPTIMISTIC
Sometimes I lie but this time I'm telling the truth. It's funny because it's true.
HISTORY
I'm pretty sure some MILF molested me when I was a teenager, but I may have dreamt it.
I CAN'T STOP
I can't stop torturing people with this broom handle! I am so compulsive!
FOUR O'CLOCK
Is anyone else noticing the expanding universe?
CONCEIT
If I had to describe myself in one word, it would be "genius man."
BELL
Does the bell mean the end of this round or the beginning of the next round? Intense...
JAPAN
Um, Japan is America.
PAUL & VIRGINIA
Paul took his pants off and Virginia rubbed Ben-Gay on his penis, pubes and thighs.
ONE-MAN SHOW
Just watched Rosie O'Donnell on Mark Twain Tonight and she was so good.
TODAY
I just played "What is your porn name?" on Facebook and I got Irving Kelso.
IN THE COUNTRY
Well, what do you think I found in my stool today? GUESS!! GUESS YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!!
SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT
Goddammit! I am so tired of paying top dollar for urine tests.
HOT
Hot in leather... Right?
LOVE
Love doesn't hurt. Gonorrhea hurts.
A MINI OBSERVATION
Decision to shit in the pool was not a good one.
MENSWEAR
You can't spell "menswear" without "men swear." |
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