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tearing the rag off the bush again
Steve Toth on Darrel Gray 3 PDF E-mail

Remembering Darrell Gray 3

by Steve Toth


to Steve


The telephone rang

It was Darrell calling from rehab

He asked if he could stay with us

so not to go back to old places

& old ways but when we met the bus

Darrell was already drunk

arguing with the bus driver

trying to get him to go off

the route & take him to our place

The visit went down hill from there

Darrell slipping out that night

leaving the door wide open 

so as not to wake us

Darrell running away the day after

& finally Darrell playing 

the mean drunk on the thrid day 

I told him he was too much

& had to leave the next morning

The last time I saw Darrell Gray
I was so happy
to see him go
that I stood on the corner
watching his bus disappear
just to make sure
he didn't get off & try to come back
Fear got the best of me that day
That's the kind of friend I was
Darrell wasn't all form & no content
He'd opened me up
to a form of life I wanted
to bury as quickly & completely as possible
That was my survival instinct

In the effort to become effortless
the morning comes to those who awaken
This planet may look more
like a parking lot every day
& yet out of all possible realities
you've chosen one in which
you find yourself reading
this very line of poetry
Nothing is as simple as it looks at first
At a distance I could almost pass
as human but up close
I'm a real disappointment


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