Bosnia-Herzegovina lacks Brand Equity. The reason why we ventured into Kosovo, but didn't go into Bosnia-Herzegovina, has less to do with foreign policy and more to do with Brand Equity. What is the core essence? How does it tie in to the current product line of crisis offerings in the Middle East or Korean Peninsula? Who the hell can pronounce the place anyway? We can't have news anchors with blown-dry hair stumbling over "BOZZ KNEE A HEARSE I A GOOV EEN AHH" every night on TV. But "Kosova" is simple. It even echoes the hard "k" sounds of Coca-Cola and K-Mart. What better brand name allusions can you have? Now this we can explain. You can sell THAT to the American People! Sure, some pundits think that the State Department just muddled its way through the Dayton Peace Accords. But was Bosnia-Herzegovina capable of harnessing a strong degree of consumer brand awareness and consumer brand recall? Obviously not. But Kosovo is clear-cut, simple, has that certain spark, and just has a nice ring on the nightly news. Around Foggy Bottom, most are mum in regard to the notion that issues of State could be based on Madison Avenue focus groups. "Does this have a stronger market 'stick rate' than last night's riot in Londonderry?" "Will it get knocked off the pre-Weather/Sports Rotation on the 10:00 telecast by a three-alarm fire or a five car pile-up on the highway?" Questions not asked when the tape recorder is running. On pressing this issue with media relations, one realizes that it is easier to find the exact location in the Utah dessert where the Air Force stores its anthrax-loaded missiles than it is to get anyone in the State Department to admit to BEAST. (Brand Equity Assessment Status Taskforce). There is a steel curtain of silence that makes the Berlin Wall of 1962 seem like a sieve. It is only by searching abroad that the puzzle pieces start to stick together. British Parliament backbencher, Sir Nigel Ian Roundbuttom-Toppimtumdun, who hails from the village of Horsefeathers-upon-the-Northerwane, was less than reticent. Bounced from the limelight by Tony Blair, and near retirement, he speaks in a flourish of rhetoric followed by long quiet pulls on his pipe. "You Yanks!" he blurted, when pressed on the issue. "What a bloody awful nuisance to get some proper action from the coalition with this recent Balkan balls-up. The promotion department in the CIA has to get clearance from the Brand/Logo Oversight Committee. The Alliteration and Locution Office in the State Department has to put in their two pence worth. 'Bosnia-Herzegovina?' 'NO.' 'Kosovo?' 'YES.' Everything has to have an easy play on the ears.

"You won't even talk to a Radovan Karadzic. As for Slobodan Milosevic, well, you're forced to deal with him. But the most I can ever get is: 'Slobo on line 2.' It's a wonder we ever went to war at all!" He stared wistfully out the stained glass windows of his office and took another sip of lunchtime sherry. "I'm glad that we didn't have to deal with you Yanks in the 1840's when we had that little dust-up at the frontier posts of Firozpur and Ludhiana in the Punjab!"

Back on this side of the pond, a staff member for a ranking Senator on the Foreign Relations Committee, who spoke off the record under the condition of anonymity, would neither confirm nor deny the existence of the Brand/Logo Oversight Committee, let alone the Alliteration and Locution Office. Yet when the staffer was directly asked the question, this reporter did notice his/her eyebrow twitch.

The existence of BEAST may explain some of our past action in various regional conflicts. There are strong indications that these departments have been with us a long time. What was with Reagan and Grenada? Was he just looking for a decent vacation spot for retirement or was this the result of a brilliant alliteration play on "Granola" and "Gatorade" to tie in the huge target audience of the athletic and health conscious? Ask Walter Mondale how well he did with the "sneaker-set."

But more importantly, the question that remains is what does this portend for future global "dust-ups?" What about Taiwan/Exxon? Does Argentina have anything to worry about from Brazil and an expanding Amazon.com? If Martha Stewart can team up with BUD-wize-ER to launch a new lite beer for the Hamptons, imagine what can be done to bring together the squabbling tribes in KURD-iz-TAN? Perhaps what is needed is just a simple visit with a focus group for a makeover. Tell me if this flys. "BOZNEE-HERZO." Granted, a tad too elaborate, but then a little bit of exotic spice-- something just a pinch out of the ordinary?... Look at "Rice-a-Roni, the San Francisco treat." How about "Boznee-Herzo, where the Balkans come to meet!"?

Finally, an infusion of talent and capital is needed. Disney can create a movie: "Ivan-- the Brave Shepherd Boy." McDonalds can open 4,312 new locations and launch the McBOZburger. Film commercials for Sports Utility Vehicles splashing through muddy puddles on rugged Balkan mountain roads. Now THAT can play for the vital Saturday afternoon football crowd this Fall!

GNelson262@aol.com