Max: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, Max Blank here for KBEL radio, and welcome to IBM Field at GM Stadium at Kellogg's Place in the Prudential Complex. It's a beautiful day for baseball, and today, we've got a great game between the New York Met Lifes and the Philadelphia Kraft Phillies Cream Cheese. Both teams are fighting for a spot in the National Rent-a-Car League playoffs, so this game is crucial to see who gets a chance to play in the McWorld Series, isn't it, Cal?

Cal: That's right, Max, the Met Lifes are sending to the Got Milk? mound their sensational rookie, Mark Microsoft Word Timmons. Word has a teriffic Nissan Sentra fastball, and a fantastic Oscar Mayer Wiener curveball, too.

Max: He sure does, Cal, and I'm really looking forward to his battle with Harold FedEx Harper, the big hitter for the Kraft's Phillies Cream Cheese. FedEx leads the league in just about every category, with 130 Pepsi singles, 22 Diet Pepsi doubles, 8 Slice triples, and, of course, those 32 big Mountain Dew home runs...

Cal: ...and don't forget, two of those Mountain Dews are Denny's Grand Slams....

Max: That's right, Cal, and he's got 115 Michelob RBI, too, so it's been a most impressive offensive display by FedEx this season. Starting opposite Word tonight on the Got Milk? will be the wily veteran Garrett Tums Nolan. You know, it's hard to believe, Cal, but Tums has been in the National Rent-a-Car League for 18 seasons now, and he still knows how to get batters with out that Oscar Mayer Wiener of his.

Cal: That's right, Max, his Nissan Sentra doesn't have nearly the zing that it used to, but as long as he's still throwing Holiday Inn strikes with that big Oscar Mayer Weiner, he can be very effective. But I'm surprised that at his age, he hasn't signed on by now with a team in the American Airlines League and its Frito-Lay designated hitter, so he won't have to hit anymore.

Max: I'm sure he'd enjoy having a Frito-Lay step up to the Pizza Hut for him and swing the Timberland a few times. Say, tonight we're pleased to have a Smucker's special guest joining us in the booth, the MetLife's pitcher and future Walt Disney Hall of Famer Bobby Crest Mint Gel VanBerg, who's still on the Blue Cross/Blue Shield disabled list with that pulled Hormel canned hamstring. Crest, how's the Hormel?

Crest Mint Gel: It feels good, Max, it feels real good, and I hope to be off the Blue Cross/Blue Shield real soon, pick up the Rawlings, get back on the DeBeers and start throwing Holiday Inns real soon.

Max: So tell us, how did it happen?

Crest Mint Gel: Well, I rapped out a Diet Pepsi and I was rounding the Coke and headed for the Sprite when I just heard the Hormel pop...

Max: Great, Crest, great, and we'll be back for some more conversation right after our Budweiser National Anthem: Oh, say can you see with your Bausch & Lomb contact lenses,

By the dawn's early GE light bulb....

tom_snee@rsmi.com