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| Famous
Amos Redux by Mike Golden |
| "We need
a new word for pussy." That's what this pretty bartender from Michigan told me. Pussy sounds too squishy. Cunt is too hard. Vagina might as well be an isosceles triangle or a cut of veal. She's got monster chops she takes for granted. She's 25, 26, 27. . . came here four years ago to be an actress yada-yada-yada. . . I had monster chops I didn't know what to do with so I came here 30 years ago to write the Great American Novel yada-yada-yada. . . I wrote 12 hours a day for awhile cut down to five for awhile before I got married for awhile and had to fight to do one for awhile. Then I got divorced and got drunk and did none for an even longer while until I got lucky, and found the-great-love- of-my-life for awhile. In all those whiles I might have sidetracked myself, but I never quit or met anyone who changed the word for pussy except the-great-love-of-my-life who told me the first time we slept together when she hit puberty she named her pussy "Golden." I was blown away then but now I realize Muses must say that to all the boys; inserting whatever your name is for their pussy. Can you imagine calling your pussy Irving? Or Mailer Or Updike? Eat my Irving, baby! Eat my Mailer! Eat my Updike; I don't think so! The pretty bartender from Michigan says she'd like to call her pussy "cookie." That's a lot more like it, don't you think? It has a ring to it. . ."Eat my cookie." If she stays focused and respects her instrument she might actually make it in this town. |
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