For New Yorkers the
country dwindles away to the west
and theres nothing in between us and the coast --
nothing worth bothering about.
Im not going out there for less than a thou.
But driving to L.A.,
it gets more complicated
the countrys cut in two
by this alarmingly large river to cross.
Thank God were not in covered wagons anymore!
Its hard to
escape - no way round it -
the river goes way north.
Even up in Illinois its a menace --
every spring it floods the fields.
Dont give me
any romance-of-the-river shit,
St. Louis to New Orleans,
riverboats, bales of cotton, happy darkies Ò
Honey, my bags are
Just get me on Amtrak north to Chicago.
Luckily, youre heading west
and theres a bridge.
But once across it,
youre in the other half of the country
with hungry buzzards in the cottonwood trees,
and a New York license plate gets you the fish
So you hightail it
which is the only tolerable outpost for New
not that the bagels are any good there,
and let the goddam mighty river roll on to