STAB THE BUTTERFLIES! OR GIVE US YOUR OPINIONS SO WE CAN CHANGE OURS! (NO PREGNANT CHADS, PLEASE!

1. How best to cut health care costs?

 
Herd all fat Americans to mandatory liposuction centers where fat would be systematically removed and sold to federal penile enlargement facilities.

 
Legalize drugs and allow people to OD while closing all substance abuse and mental health facilities.


Give HMOs even more power to decide what a doctor cannot do for a patient.

 
 
2) What is the best way to increase the Pentagon's research budget by $20 billion in a 4-year period (a George W. wish).

 
Deforest the national parks and sell plywood.

 
Escalate the "drug war" and create imaginary enemies to wage war against: aliens, foreigners, minorities, the homeless and dust mites.

 
Expand the list of "rogue" nations and attack before they have a chance to do anything "bad".

 
 
3) How best to improve our schools?

 
Focus only on Vocational Ed and business communication skills like "You want fries with that?"

Incarcerate all students since most teenagers fit the bill of the FBI "School Shooter" profile: i.e. "failed love relationship, inappropriate humor, lack of trust, associates with a single group of people, treats some students better than others", etc.

Include the study of Chad in the curriculum.

 

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