Dear Penthouse
 
I always thought your letters were fake, but
Recently I had an experienceÖ
Dear Penthouse
What is love?
Can a modern guy
Find authentic happiness
While pursuing
An authentically
Modern career, say
Talking on a cell phone
To authentic chicks
I like your magazine
Because the sex
Is, well, dirtier
And I actually live
In a penthouse apartment!
And the thing is
You have taste
Hot articles and stuff
Sometimes I even think I
Might major in journalism
Dear Penthouse, what is realism?
Hardon hard-hitting, go-go go-getting
The entire textual world eroticized
A gesture of naked Penthousian enthusiasm
Cute fans
Unzipping
My typewriter
As I write these words
Adios to loneliness
Beats the pants off your MBA
Your MFA, hell, college, drugsÖ
Predictable as
Weather
In her
Dress of
Many seasons
Unpredictable as
Weather
With her
Yes of
Many reasons
Nude as truth
On an icy plate
Beneath the porn
Stars in the sky
Beaming interstellar energies
Arousing us to action
From our complicated slumber
Into lusty vignette -
As a freshman
At a large
Prestigious
University
Imagine my surprise when/
Peeking through
A hole through/
Great beauties whose
Wit and rue I bore/
As well as fluffy towels
And squirt-bottles of conditioner/
For my joy was to serve
As virginal as spring
O crispish autumn, fiery thunder-spore
Icing winter with his wild tongue
All varieties of wicked and collected grief
No more grief, I say an end to grief
Great mischief or intrigue as residential antidote
We need a language made of that
They were the girls next door
On another planet
And I, their humble trainee
Equipment-boy space-man
Though to Salome and Kansas, I was always "Torpedo"
And that's when things turned plain interesting
 
 
 
The Playboy Advisor
 
As Playboy guys
We try to keep in mind
The Playboy philosophy
Hey, let's call room service
As hepcats of articles
And stunning pictorials
We honor the rituals
Suave urban in principle
Lounge around the manse
In our Playboy pajamas
We're never going out
If we can delve within!
Hmm, an interview
With Kevin Kline
New babe on Baywatch
The real J. Peterman
Our college educated
Stewardess girlfriends
Are Playboy women
Athletic and liberated
Who enjoy fine art
And arrive each month
Flush with fashion, fiction
Candid conversation
Official Playboy
Rabbit head key chain
Reminding us of
Easter and epic transformation
Also, thank you, St. Claus as erotic sprite
While the kiddies are nestled
All snug in their waterbeds
Guess who's doing it with Playboy mom
'Cause it's a Playboy world
And everybody gets some
A vision of the naughty
And the nice as one
Plus a fancy pad
Stocked with
Shocking treats, O
Naked as our tousled mammal hearts! Mad civilized, jacuzziedÖ
 
 
 
Kiddie Porn
 
Use would be
Made of
Footage of
Candy
Mounds
Of it, gobs
Himalayas
Whole Alps
Later, after
Gameboy
Bangs
Barbie
Bubble gum
Cigars
In the
Pepsi
Jacuzzi
Marshmallow
Stars
Fiery four-
Leaf clovers, chocolate hearts
 
 
 
Yo, Sappho
 
Much would be decided in passing
For example, who did what
To whom
And even where
And why, sometimes
And what of it
The temple all
A shambles/
The temple left
In tatters/
Either dawn or dusk
Well, that's
One approach
Sing in me
Muse
I mean
Rock on
SistersÖ
Memory's kids
With their alternative
Mentality/ O
Hot, slow
Hard, strong
Sound be
With us
And guide us
Go out
And
Return
Push away
And come back
Talk about a
Kind of emptiness
As the glory
Of our culture
Been there
Done that
Is anyone awake?
Impossible, therefore
Sign us up!
Remember us as symbols, signals
Flags where there is no wind, but waving anywayÖ
 
 
 
Funk Machine
 
Hold on to this for a minute.
Make mine
To go.
Act IV,
Scene 2.
Where they
Throw the poet
Into the volcanoÖ
Behind him,
His twelve
Scantily
Garbed and
Dancing wives
Sing background vocals.
Everywhere,
Children
And iced
Pineapple,
Silver machetes,
Drugs, and worse!
The visiting missionaries shiver, aghast.
The local deities
Will be fed!
Once again, peace
Shall reign
In the kingdom.
Pumpkin carriages,
Winged watermelons,
Traditional penis thongsÖ
And yes, it's a far
Cry from Cleveland,
Stalwart kids,
Wee lassies
And buckoes.
You gotta read
A lotta books,
Meet a lot of
Saintly, dignified
Presbyterian ministers in
Lady Putt-Putt's pleasure garage,
Swab a lot of decks on the Captain's
Pirate barge, play hooky, snooker, eat vitamins, salad, haul
Toboggans, chop down rain forests, learn to talk Snake -
And when you come out
The other side,
If, in fact,
You survive
To the other
Side, it's a
Brand new hemisphere
(Holy gosh-
Darn Toledo!)
Constellations and everything.
Those who make it
Are amazed
And live
Upside
Down,
Their
Feelings
Reversed
Into positive
Constructions:
Sadness as
Joy, fear
As strength,
Shame as
Compassion,
Hopelessness
As faith and so
On and so forth, you get
The picture. Elaborate visuals
We can set aside. Excess logic has an overrated place,
Let's forget that too.
Because right now, it's just me
And you. And what I say
Goes, though very quickly,
Yo, a moment. Humor me,
Ok? I don't waste
A thought. I can tell
You are a smart audience.
Laughter and dashing sexuality
I sense, in the best sense,
Leaking from the lot of you.
So, imagine/
In the movie,
We can play
Ourselves.
We are
The stars.
We sport
Charming
Astrologies.
And though the meaning may be strange,
The film is
Damnably impressive.
Amend to our names
The phrase prize winning,
Brothers and sisters.

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